I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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