Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
