I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
