I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the condom got lost in my hair
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
