U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude. I can hear the air.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
