I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
