3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize