You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
