this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
