This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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