Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
