I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
