Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
