Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
