It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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