I am puke
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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