He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
