i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
