my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Houston, we have a squirter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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