omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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