he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
