im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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