I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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