this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I believe in your delicious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
