I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize