i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
