I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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