After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Randomize
