just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
