And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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