Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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