So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize