benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
