I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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