he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
