No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
