And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
