also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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