you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
