Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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