Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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