It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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