peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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