Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
