I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
