I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
