I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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