He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
