He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
