Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
