i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
