He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
