Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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