Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
