So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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