a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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