i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
