I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
