saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
