Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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