I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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