Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
