Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
