Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
