we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
