I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
