whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
