I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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