I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
