i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
