Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
