as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
