Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
