I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
