Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
