spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
