I love black thongs
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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