so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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